My Sunshiny Life











{April 19, 2010}   Things NOT to do on a date

Lessons for the man who I went on a date with recently.  Read and learn my friend.

DO NOT:

Eat with your mouth open and then say that you’d spoken to your mother before the date and she’d reminded you to eat with your mouth closed.  You should have listened to your mother.

DO NOT

Say that you’d need an umbrella to sit opposite you at the dinner table at home, because right now you’re being polite.  When you’re at home you just go for it and shovel food in.  See previous note about listening to your mother.

DO NOT

Eat the whole endamame bean.  The skin is not meant to be eaten, but don’t worry you spat most of it out on the table as you were talking.

DO NOT

Discuss money.  I do not want to know how much you won in your recent poker game, how you sell comics on ebay to raise cash OR how much money you make as an extra on a film set.

DO NOT

Mention fart jokes.  Farts don’t exist on first dates.  In the world of first, second and third dates we like to think that neither of us ever have to do number 2’s, fart or burp.  It’s not sexy and this is the build up to sexy, work the illusion buddy!

DO NOT

Talk about your business failures.  It does not make you look like an attractive long term prospect.

DO NOT

Confide that you lost your sex drive for four years, but not to worry as you’ve got it back now. 

DO NOT

Tell me that you’ve been thinking about the date a lot and haven’t been able to concentrate on anything else.  Play it cool, be a little mysterious (I’m taking the mysterious point on for myself from now on too – ‘make like an onion’ is my new mantra – not that I’d ever be so uncool as to gush that I’d been thinking about them non-stop I’d like to add!)

DO NOT

Suggest that we don’t pay the tip as the food service was slow.  First dates are the only time you cannot mention bad service or complain about it.  You will look demanding and arrogant, or even worse cheap.  Save that for the fourth date.

The chance with me has passed, but if you take these words of advice on board maybe you’ll fare better on the next date.

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